………………………………..filler lorem epsum salts lorem epsum salts ………… ………………………………..filler lorem epsum salts lorem epsum salts ………… ………………………………..filler lorem epsum salts lorem epsum salts …………  I am miserable. I want to quit music. I want to quit life. I want to move to back to Florida and live out the rest of my days in utter obscurity. There’s nothing to look forward to. The bills just won’t go away. The bills just get worse. I drown further and further. I’m not happy. I have not been happy for probably 8 years. I don’t know where to turn to for advice, money, musical inspiration. Real friends. I don’t have any… I really don’t. I don’t have people I can truly confide in. Without judgment. Maybe Lisa. But she lives in New Brunswick. Maybe Stacy. She treats me nicely, and makes sure I never fucking forget that EVER (ever) but, our history taints being direct/talking from the heart. There’s so much fucking stupid collateral damage. She doesn’t trust me. I don’t trust anyone. I can’t be nice. I’m terrible to her. Terrible. I can’t just keep my cool or be nice. I just want to yell and I hate all the feelings I feel and I don’t know why. I don’t feel right. I don’t feel happy. It just doesn’t feel like anything RIGHT. Nothing at all feels  RIGHT. Life felt right making music with Lisa in 2006… becoming a full-time teacher in 2007. Cape Coral life in 2003. Cape Coral in 1993. It felt right in 2011 a little bit, living in Eagleville and feeling like anything was possible, even when my voice was SEVERELY damaged then. Life was cool in 2009. Some of 2010. I don’t feel a connection with anything or anyone anymore. I’ve researched all kinds of shit. I don’t know what to do. Yeah. I don’t know. I just don’t want to ANYTHING anymore. I just want to eat junk food and stare at movies I’ve already seen too many times. I literally watch Can’t Buy Me Love 50 times a week. Or Kissing A Fool. Or Elizabethtown. Or Career Opportunities. I am fucking sick of everything. Nothing ever changes. It’s all the same, and it’s all terrible. I blinked, and I’m 70. I blinked again, and I’m dead. Like my dad, in February. Blink. Dead. ………………………………..filler lorem epsum salts lorem epsum salts ………… ………………………………..filler lorem epsum salts lorem epsum salts ………… ………………………………..filler lorem epsum salts lorem epsum salts ………… I semi-trashed my studio before work today. Knocked chairs over, threw little shit like tape rolls around, and cables all thrown everywhere. I just don’t care. I’ll sell each MIDI piece for $50, catch up on bills, and bail. And I mean bail bail. Like bail…………………………………filler lorem epsum salts lorem epsum salts ………… I’m tired. Exhausted. I hate this path I’ve been on. ………………………………..filler lorem epsum salts lorem epsum salts ………… ………………………………..filler lorem epsum salts lorem epsum salts ………… ………………………………..filler lorem epsum salts lorem epsum salts ………… ………………………………..filler lorem epsum salts lorem epsum salts …………  I’m spinning further and further down. I’m just seriously sick of shit. I’m sick of working 7 days a week and being god damned broke. It’s never going to change. I’ve been a loser my whole life. I’m just older now. I’m fucking tired of it. ………………………………..filler lorem epsum salts lorem epsum salts ………… ………………………………..filler lorem epsum salts lorem epsum salts ………… ………………………………..filler lorem epsum salts lorem epsum salts ………… ………………………………..filler lorem epsum salts lorem epsum salts …………

Won’t be long, now.

 

Spread the love!
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •