photo by stacy st. yves
I’m trying to blog more frequently, like I used to. Life always seems to get in the way. Anyway. I played my first ever solo music show last night at my house. More on this in a second.
I like to host house shows for touring bands, such as my friends House Sparrow from northwestern Massachusetts). My friends Hat & Boots and That Dream Was Our Life also played, as well as my student Morgan Alexa, who impressed everyone right off the bat. It was awesome.
I’m trying to somewhat build an indie scene in the Philadelphia suburbs. I live in an awesome house that affords me the freedom to host house shows, network with bands, and even do live acoustic/mellow performances on my porch, called Sun Porch Sessions. I’m hoping I can build something pretty dope, over time.
So… back to my live debut as a solo performer…. I was nervous as hell, as expected. And I only ran through these songs at most, two times… the first time was remembering how the songs went on guitar and vocals, and the second time was playing them through without stopping. It wasn’t enough practice, clearly. But I guess I did okay.
I’m such a weird mashup of gentle, pretty songs and sarcastic folk-punk-style songs. It’s hard to choose one or the other… or really anything, musically, because if I’m anything at all, I’m diverse and inspired by a lot of things.
It’s hard to have the full confidence to play as a solo artist, with lyrics I wrote and vocal melodies I wrote. It’s like my heart is completely exposed for the world to see and it makes me insanely nervous. As anyone who has followed my work for some time…. I’m mostly teamed up with other people, or producing friends’ music (that they wrote most of). To have the guts to put out all of this is insanely nerve-wrecking, especially for someone with social anxiety and who suffers from anxiety in general.
James (That Dream Was Our Life) told me last night… “Stakes are both low and high. Just put it out. Fuck it. If you change your mind, you can take it offline, later. But just put it out. Who cares?” He is right. As are other people close to me, in my life.
Sigh. It’s just so nerve-wracking, still. I have hundreds… literally hundreds of solo songs. I’ve been told they’re great, from people who have discerning music taste and truly tell me honestly, without sugar-coating. So maybe I’m onto something.
I just want to be heard. That’s all. Heard by more than like… four people. Which make no mistake, I AM grateful for. I just want to be out there, more. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.
Thanks for following and listening. 🙂