April 2015: A positive outcome

Had a good talk with the roommates last week, Wed night. Feels like everyone’s on the same page, and that’s great.

In other (worse) news, I’m disappointed with the rioting in various parts of the country, especially in Baltimore.

I wrote this as a facebook status-

“I’ve never rioted, but it seems common sense to me that people riot because of dissent. And oftentimes, dissent isn’t heard, and the people (black, white, all races– good people) get really, really fucking pissed off. Is rioting the answer? Probably not. But, if you’re not being heard, you’re going to be pretty pissed off. I remember in the 90s, when my bassist’s parents managed our band, I brought up a lot of good ideas and points in our monthly meetings, and 100% of the time, I was quieted or asked to keep my thoughts to myself. I thought of punching them, or choking them to death at the time. It’s pretty frustrating, trying to express valuable thoughts, and feeling like you’re speaking an alien language, or being forced to keep quiet. Sooner or later, you’re going to lose it.”

Things have to change. I know racism’s always been present, but these days it’s more in our faces, because of technology. But let’s see this technological exposure as a blessing, not a curse. The more aware of it, the more we can openly communicate about it all and reach a solution. Everything good comes in time, as I hope this will.

April 2015: Feels like I’m in 6th grade.

Currently there’s a great amount of tension in my house.

I’m the property manager of a big house. Several roommates and I have incompatible lifestyles. They smoke regularly, and heavily drink what I would consider regularly. While they are generally nice guys (I really have no problem with them on an individual basis), our lifestyles are just incompatible.

Over the last two years, I’ve been the guy trying to run a tight ship in this large house. I get on everyone for not taking out the trash (I usually do)… or keeping the kitchen or their shared bathrooms as clean as I’d like them to be. I always seem to be the big asshole, when I try to enforce rules I set that everyone was aware of, before I sublet rooms to them.

Over the last year, things have changed and become more free, I suppose. I gave in to a lot of things I didn’t really have any control over, and also set stricter rules with other things.

Now, everything’s come to a head.

I found out recently that the four roommates who I have the tension with (coincidentally all buddies/good friends), were considering moving out. Partially to get away from me and my rules, partially to get away from the homeowner’s rules. I am cool with the homeowner’s rules, as I am a non-smoker and I keep to myself, indoors. At this house, we’re not permitted to hang in the backyard, doing a barbecue thing or have pets. Smoking was permitted outdoors (but not indoors) until just yesterday, when the owner banned it both outdoors and indoors. I’m cool with that. But the other guys are not.

So, they have considered moving out, for weeks (maybe even months). When I asked about it (I had a feeling they were considering it– just a weird vibe in the house, more strange than usual), one roommate confirmed it. So I said hey no problem, I understand. How about we shoot for a June/July move out? This wasn’t a threat but merely agreeing that I felt it was best, after all the tension and crap, and I thought mid-summer would be ideal, because everyone is usually a lot less busy and it’s the perfect time to move.

The reaction I got from the one roommate was one of being threatened and coerced, which I find completely false and a bit paranoid. So I backed down and said hey man, we’re cool, we’re friends. Let’s talk about this more in person and figure it out.

We planned on meeting last night. It didn’t happen because he had a rough day and didn’t want to talk, just to relax. Then, the owner of the house left a letter in our mailbox, stating that smoking inside or outside is not permitted.

I sent an email to the four people I have the tension with, saying I’m sorry about the inconvenience, but I appreciate their compliance of the new rule. I also asked if we could meet tomorrow night, and discuss openly, both their plans to move out, and this new rule.

I have no idea how it’s going to go, but what I pray and wish for is that everyone part ways peacefully. It’s just time. It’s simply time. Nothing personal. No drama. If they wanted to go, then they should plan on going, and by summer. Since they cannot smoke outside anymore (owner lives behind us), and since I’m such a pain in the ass about my rules and how I want my house to be, why prolong the discomfort and tension? Sometimes things just don’t work. We tried it. We tried resolving the tension and drama, and couldn’t reach a conclusion. Now we have this no-smoking-anywhere thing (again, which I have no problem with, being a non-smoker), and it just makes sense that we all peacefully part ways.

There are ten solid “pros” to them all splitting a place, which I will mention tomorrow, if everyone doesn’t beat the shit out of me, or yell at me, for trying to come up with a solution that works for everyone. Ten solid “pros”, including saving a good amount of money each month (more so than if they continued to live here).

I just pray and wish that we can reach an agreement that allows us to part ways peacefully. It’s just time. We all know it, but yet, no one seems to want to move it along, except me, I guess.

The written agreements each roommate have with me says that at any time, either party can terminate the agreement, and leave (or be asked to leave), with 30 days’ notice. It’s not a threat. It’s just standard rental agreements.

My wish is that we can agree on a date in the summer, where these four guys leave the place, and I find new roommates to replace them, with compatible lifestyles. It’s just stupid to continue trying to resolve tension that will never go away. It’s time, and it needs to be done.

I am so tired of all of this. This is all I think about for the last few months. It’s taking over my life, and I want them all to understand that this is the best choice and a date needs to be set in stone. We are torturing ourselves and each other. It must stop.

I wrote this on facebook before, but I realize it sounded pretty suicidal, so I deleted it. Considering what I just wrote, the following paragraph should tie in to everything, and it should not sound suicidal at all:

Some people think I’m an unreasonable asshole about certain things, but I’m not about to fight city hall, when the boat’s already been rocked to the point of people falling overboard. It makes sense that the captain take his vessel out of stormy, intense waters. When there’s unhappiness all around, why prolong the discomfort? I’m doing the best I can to keep the peace, when I know I’ve been hated for over a year. I’m sorry to all who have experienced this tension, but we all know what the right choice is…. sigh. We’ve all reached the end of the journey, I suppose.

I just want to get back to making music and spending most of my free time with headphones on, writing cool things. I remember those days, and I want them back.

Universe / God / whomever, please let us come to a peaceful agreement about parting ways in the summer, with as little drama as possible. Please. I’ve just had enough. They’ve had enough. Why are we prolonging this discomfort. Why. Thank you, Universe. Thank you God. Thank you whomever.